The girls whom she came to know in the
workroom for the most part took life very easily; she could not
share in their genuine merriment; she was often revolted by their
way of thinking and speaking. They thought her dull; and paid no
attention to her. She was glad to be relieved of the necessity of
talking.
Her sister thought her hard. Kate believed that she was for ever
brooding over her injury. This was not true, but a certain hardness
in her character there certainly was. For her life, both of soul and
body, was ascetic; she taught herself to expect, to hope for,
nothing. When she was hungry she had a sort of pleasure in enduring;
when weary she worked on as if by effort she could overcome the
feeling. But Kate's chief complaint against her was her
determination to receive no help save in the way of opportunity to
earn money. This was something more than, ordinary pride. Emma
suffered intensely in the recollection that she had lived at
Mutimer's expense during the very months when he was seeking the
love of another woman, and casting about for means of abandoning
herself. When she thought of Alice coming with the proposal that she
and her sister should still occupy the house in Wilton Square, and
still receive money, the heat of shame and anger never failed to
rise to her cheeks.
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