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Various

"Punchinello, Volume 1, No. 09, May 28, 1870"


Of course you don't imagine that I shall explain the details of this
profound subject. There are only two men in this country who think they
can do that, and each one of those says that the other is an idiot. As a
rule, figures can't lie; but look out for the exceptions when you run
across the subject of Protection. The very same figures have an ugly way
of proving both sides of a question. You run down a fact, and think
you've got it, but, before you know it, it has slipped, like the "little
joker," over to the other side.
Personally, I am a Protectionist. Formerly I indulged in that monstrous
absurdity, Free Trade, but then I was an importer; now, being a
manufacturer, the scales have fallen from my eyes, and I am of the
straitest sect a Protectionist. You can't give me too much of it. Of
course I can't see why pig-iron should be protected, and pigs not. I
think every native production should be cared for, and that there should
be an excessively high tariff on foreign food. In that case poor REVERDY
JOHNSON would have been compelled to have passed a Lenten season at
Halifax, until he had eradicated from his system the rich English
dinners, before he could have entered this favored land. And
MOTLEY--bless me, he has eaten so much that I don't believe he could get
it out of his body if he fasted for the remainder of his natural life.


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