In her selfish pleasure-seeking
life she found that she had made an endless number of acquaintances,
but no friends. She had not even the resources of a cultivated
mind that could exist upon its own stores through this sudden famine
which had impoverished her world, nor could she think of a single
innocent, attractive, pursuit by which she could fill the weary
days. She was like a child that had dwelt in a tropical oasis, the
flowers and fruits of which had seemed as limitless as its extent.
She had supposed that the whole world would be like this oasis,
and the only necessity ever imposed on her would be that of choice
from its rich profusion. But ere she was aware she had lost
herself in a desert; the oasis had vanished like a mirage, and she
had no choice at all. That which her heart craved with an intensity
which fairly made it ache, seemed as hopeless as a sudden bloom
and fruitage from arid sands.
Instead of going down to supper she returned to the solitude of
her own room, but the apathy of the earlier part of the day had
vanished utterly. Indeed, body ad soul seemed to quiver with pain
like a wounded nerve. Anger, which had given a brief support,
faded out, and left only shame and despair as in memory she saw
the emblem, representing herself, tossed contemptuously into the
carriage-way by the man she loved.
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