Oh, if I had only waited till my
Undine received her woman's soul, what a heaven I might have had
on earth! She would have filled my studio with light and beauty,
and my life with honor and happiness. Never, never was there a
more cruel fate than mine! I shall die, and my only burial will
be the infamy which will cover my memory forever."
Then, with a dreary sinking of heart, his mind reverted to the
long future before him that was now so terribly vague and dark. In
the consciousness of solitude and in order to break the oppressive
stillness, he spoke aloud at intervals between his paroxysms of
pain. "After all, what is dying? I know how deeply rooted in the
human mind is the belief that it is only a departure to another
place and a different condition of life. Can a conviction that
has been universal in all ages and among all peoples be a delusion?
Then whoever or whatever created human nature built it on a lie.
This accursed rock has fallen on my body, and holds it as if it
were a mere clod of earth, as it soon may be; but it does not hold
my mind. My thoughts have followed father and dear, dear mother,
and sister Laura across the sea a hundred times to-night.
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