I think she seconded the family scheme,
for the marriage would have joined two very large estates. Although
my heart often stood still with fear while he apparently wavered a
little, I can honestly say I left him free to make his own choice.
They persecuted and urged him to that extent, and so confused his
sense of right and wrong, that, in order to escape from his dilemma,
he managed to get a lieutenant's commission in the army in spite of
his physician's protest, and before his family realized what they
regarded as an immeasurable disaster he was in the Union ranks at
the front. It HAS proved an immeasurable disaster to me.
"He came to see me before he went south, and told me that he preferred
death to any other bride than myself. In sad foreboding I begged
him to give me up rather than go into that awful war with his
imperfect health. But he went. The rest of my story is soon told.
Life in the field seemed to brace him up every way. He wrote me
that he had lived hitherto in books and dreams, and that contact
with strong, forceful men was just what he needed. He wrote almost
daily, and I lived on his letters. He grew strong and heroic in his
exposure to danger and hardship, and won promotion on the simple
ground of merit.
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