They passed San Giorgio, and were soon among the piles and sand-banks of
the lagoon. Kitty sat in a dream which blotted the sunshine from the
water. It seemed to her that she was a dead creature, floating in a dead
world. William had ceased to love her. She had wrecked his career and
destroyed her own happiness. Her child had been taken from her. Lady
Tranmore's affection had been long since alienated. Her own mother was
nothing to her; and her friends in society, like Madeleine Alcot, would
only laugh and gloat over the scandal of the book.
No--everything was finished! As her fingers hanging over the side of the
gondola felt the touch of the water, her morbid fancy, incredibly quick
and keen, fancied herself drowned, or poisoned--lying somehow white and
cold on a bed where William might see and forgive her.
Then with a start of memory which brought the blood rushing to her face,
she thought of Cliffe standing beside the door of the great hall in the
Vercelli palace--she seemed to be looking again into those deep,
expressive eyes, held by the irony and the passion with which they were
infused. Had the passion any reference to her?--or was it merely part of
the man's nature, as inseparable from it as flame from the volcano? If
William had cast her off, was there still one man--wild and bad, indeed,
like herself, but poet and hero nevertheless--who loved her?
She did not much believe it; but still the possibility of it lured her,
like some dark gulf that promised her oblivion from this pain--pain
which tortured one so impatient of distress, so hungry for pleasure and
praise.
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