"When I had got clear of the city, it first entered into my head
to return home to my father, and endeavour to obtain his
forgiveness; but as I had no reason to doubt his knowledge of all
which had past, and as I was well assured of his great aversion to all
acts of dishonesty, I could entertain no hopes of being received by
him, especially since I was too certain all the good offices in the
power of my mother; nay, had my father's pardon been as sure, as I
conceived his resentment to be, I yet question whether I could have
had the assurance to behold him, or whether I could, upon any terms,
have submitted to live and converse with those who, I was convinced,
knew me to have been guilty of so base an action.
"I hastened therefore back to London, the best retirement of
either grief or shame, unless for persons of a very public
character; for here you have the advantage of solitude without its
disadvantage, since you may be alone and in company at the same
time; and while you walk or sit unobserved, noise, hurry, and a
constant succession of objects, entertain the mind, and prevent the
spirits from preying on themselves, or rather on grief or shame, which
are the most unwholesome diet in the world; and on which (though there
are many who never taste either but in public) there are some who
can feed very plentifully and very fatally when alone.
"But as there is scarce any human good without its concomitant evil,
so there are people who find an inconvenience in this unobserving
temper of mankind; I mean persons who have no money; for as you are
not put out of countenance, so neither are you cloathed or fed by
those who do not know you.
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