This gives me another cause for wishing myself
out of this house.
This is Thursday morning, and next Thursday I hope to set out; for I have
finished my task, and my master is horrid cross! And I am vexed his
crossness affects me so. If ever he had any kindness towards me, I
believe he now hates me heartily.
Is it not strange, that love borders so much upon hate? But this wicked
love is not like the true virtuous love, to be sure: that and hatred must
be as far off, as light and darkness. And how must this hate have been
increased, if he had met with such a base compliance, after his wicked
will had been gratified.
Well, one may see by a little, what a great deal means. For if innocence
cannot attract common civility, what must guilt expect, when novelty has
ceased to have its charms, and changeableness had taken place of it?
Thus we read in Holy Writ, that wicked Amnon, when he had ruined poor
Tamar, hated her more than he ever loved her, and would have turned her
out of door.
How happy am I, to be turned out of door, with that sweet companion my
innocence!--O may that be always my companion! And while I presume not
upon my own strength, and am willing to avoid the tempter, I hope the
divine grace will assist me.
Forgive me, that I repeat in my letter part of my hourly prayer.
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