What now,
thought I, must become of the miserable Pamela!--Then I began to wish
myself most heartily again in my closet, and to repent of my attempt,
which I now censured as rash, because it did not succeed.
God forgive me! but a sad thought came just then into my head!--I tremble
to think of it! Indeed my apprehensions of the usage I should meet with,
had like to have made me miserable for ever! O my dear, dear parents,
forgive your poor child; but being then quite desperate, I crept along,
till I could raise myself on my staggering feet; and away limped I!--What
to do, but to throw myself into the pond, and so put a period to all my
griefs in this world!--But, O! to find them infinitely aggravated (had I
not, by the divine grace, been withheld) in a miserable eternity! As I
have escaped this temptation, (blessed be God for it!) I will tell you my
conflicts on this dreadful occasion, that the divine mercies may be
magnified in my deliverance, that I am yet on this side the dreadful
gulf, from which there could have been no return.
It was well for me, as I have since thought, that I was so maimed, as
made me the longer before I got to the water; for this gave me time to
consider, and abated the impetuousness of my passions, which possibly
might otherwise have hurried me, in my first transport of grief, (on my
seeing no way to escape, and the hard usage I had reason to expect from
my dreadful keepers,) to throw myself in.
Pages:
261
262
263
264
265
266
267
268
269
270
271
272
273
274
275
276
277
278
279
280
281
282
283
284
285