But my weakness of body made
me move so slowly, that it gave time, as I said, for a little reflection,
a ray of grace, to dart in upon my benighted mind; and so, when I came to
the pond-side, I sat myself down on the sloping bank, and began to ponder
my wretched condition; and thus I reasoned with myself.
Pause here a little, Pamela, on what thou art about, before thou takest
the dreadful leap; and consider whether there be no way yet left, no
hope, if not to escape from this wicked house, yet from the mischiefs
threatened thee in it.
I then considered; and, after I had cast about in my mind every thing
that could make me hope, and saw no probability; a wicked woman, devoid
of all compassion! a horrid helper, just arrived, in this dreadful
Colbrand! an angry and resenting master, who now hated me, and threatened
the most afflicting evils! and that I should, in all probability, be
deprived even of the opportunity, I now had before me, to free myself
from all their persecutions!--What hast thou to do, distressed creature,
said I to myself, but throw thyself upon a merciful God, (who knows how
innocently I suffer,) to avoid the merciless wickedness of those who are
determined on my ruin?
And then, thought I, (and oh! that thought was surely of the devil's
instigation; for it was very soothing, and powerful with me,) these
wicked wretches, who now have no remorse, no pity on me, will then be
moved to lament their misdoings; and when they see the dead corpse of the
unhappy Pamela dragged out to these dewy banks, and lying breathless at
their feet, they will find that remorse to soften their obdurate heart,
which, now, has no place there!--And my master, my angry master, will
then forget his resentments, and say, O, this is the unhappy Pamela! that
I have so causelessly persecuted and destroyed! Now do I see she
preferred her honesty to her life, will he say, and is no hypocrite, nor
deceiver; but really was the innocent creature she pretended to be!
Then, thought I, will he, perhaps, shed a few tears over the poor corpse
of his persecuted servant; and though he may give out, it was love and
disappointment; and that, perhaps, (in order to hide his own guilt,) for
the unfortunate Mr.
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