Williams, yet will he be inwardly grieved, and order
me a decent funeral, and save me, or rather this part of me, from the
dreadful stake, and the highway interment; and the young men and maidens
all around my dear father's will pity poor Pamela! But, O! I hope I
shall not be the subject of their ballads and elegies; but that my
memory, for the sake of my dear father and mother, may quickly slide into
oblivion.
I was once rising, so indulgent was I to this sad way of thinking, to
throw myself in: But, again, my bruises made me slow; and I thought, What
art thou about to do, wretched Pamela? How knowest thou, though the
prospect be all dark to thy short-sighted eye, what God may do for thee,
even when all human means fail? God Almighty would not lay me under
these sore afflictions, if he had not given me strength to grapple with
them, if I will exert it as I ought: And who knows, but that the very
presence I so much dread of my angry and designing master, (for he has
had me in his power before, and yet I have escaped;) may be better for
me, than these persecuting emissaries of his, who, for his money, are
true to their wicked trust, and are hardened by that, and a long habit of
wickedness, against compunction of heart? God can touch his heart in an
instant; and if this should not be done, I can then but put an end to my
life by some other means, if I am so resolved.
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