This was a happiness,
however, I had no reason to expect. But, to be sure, I must own to you,
that I shall never be able to think of any body in the world but him.--
Presumption! you will say; and so it is: But love is not a voluntary
thing: Love, did I say?--But come, I hope not:--At least it is not, I
hope, gone so far as to make me very uneasy: For I know not how it came,
nor when it began; but crept, crept it has, like a thief, upon me; and
before I knew what was the matter, it looked like love.
I wish, since it is too late, and my lot determined, that I had not had
this letter, nor heard him take my part to that vile woman; for then I
should have blessed myself in having escaped so happily his designing
arts upon my virtue: but now my poor mind is all topsy-turvied, and I
have made an escape to be more a prisoner.
But I hope, since thus it is, that all will be for the best; and I shall,
with your prudent advice, and pious prayers, be able to overcome this
weakness.--But, to be sure, my dear sir, I will keep a longer time than a
twelvemonth, as a true widow, for a compliment, and more than a
compliment, to your ashes! O the dear word!--How kind, how moving, how
affectionate is the word! O why was I not a duchess, to shew my
gratitude for it! But must labour under the weight of an obligation,
even had this happiness befallen me, that would have pressed me to death,
and which I never could return by a whole life of faithful love, and
cheerful obedience.
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