Should I go back, or should I not?--I
doubt he has got too great hold in my heart, for me to be easy presently,
if I should refuse: And yet this gipsy information makes me fearful.
Well, I will, I think, trust in his generosity! Yet is it not too great
a trust?--especially considering how I have been used!--But then that was
while he avowed his bad designs; and now he gives great hope of his good
ones. And I may be the means of making many happy, as well as myself, by
placing a generous confidence in him.
And then, I think, he might have sent to Colbrand, or to Robin, to carry
me back, whether I would or not. And how different is his behaviour to
that! And would it not look as if I was prepossessed, as he calls it, if
I don't oblige him; and as if it was a silly female piece of pride, to
make him follow me to my father's; and as if I would use him hardly in my
turn, for his having used me ill in his? Upon the whole, I resolved to
obey him; and if he uses me ill afterwards, double will be his ungenerous
guilt!--Though hard will be my lot, to have my credulity so justly
blamable, as it will then seem. For, to be sure, the world, the wise
world, that never is wrong itself, judges always by events. And if he
should use me ill, then I shall be blamed for trusting him: If well, O
then I did right, to be sure!--But how would my censurers act in my case,
before the event justifies or condemns the action, is the question?
Then I have no notion of obliging by halves; but of doing things with a
grace, as one may say, where they are to be done; and so I wrote the
desired letter to you, assuring you, that I had before me happier
prospects than ever I had; and hoped all would end well: And that I
begged you would send me, by the bearer, Mr.
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