Indeed, Pamela, said he, you gave me great uneasiness; for I love you too
well not to be jealous of the least appearance of your indifference to
me, or preference to any other person, not excepting your parents
themselves. This made me resolve not to hear you; for I had not got over
my reluctance to marriage; and a little weight, you know, turns the
scale, when it hangs in an equal balance. But yet, you see, that though
I could part with you, while my anger held, yet the regard I had then
newly professed for your virtue, made me resolve not to offer to violate
it; and you have seen likewise, that the painful struggle I underwent
when I began to reflect, and to read your moving journal, between my
desire to recall you, and my doubt whether you would return, (though yet
I resolved not to force you to it,) had like to have cost me a severe
illness: but your kind and cheerful return has dispelled all my fears,
and given me hope, that I am not indifferent to you; and you see how your
presence has chased away my illness.
I bless God for it, said I; but since you are so good as to encourage me,
and will not despise my weakness, I will acknowledge, that I suffered
more than I could have imagined, till I experienced it, in being banished
your presence in so much anger; and the more still was I affected, when
you answered the wicked Mrs.
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