Why, Mrs. Jewkes, answered I, there can be but one reason given; and that
is, that I am a sad fool!--But, indeed, I am not ungrateful neither; nor
would I put on a foolish affectation: But my heart, at times, sinks
within me; I know not why, except at my own unworthiness, and because the
honour done me is too high for me to support myself under, as I should
do. It is an honour, Mrs. Jewkes, added I, I was not born to; and no
wonder, then, I behave so awkwardly. She made me a fine compliment upon
it, and withdrew, repeating her promises of care, secrecy, etc.
He parted from me with very great tenderness; and I came up and set to
writing, to amuse my thoughts, and wrote thus far. And Mrs. Jewkes being
come up, and it being past twelve, I will go to bed; but not one wink, I
fear, shall I get this night.--I could beat myself for anger. Sure there
is nothing ominous in this strange folly!--But I suppose all young
maidens are the same, so near so great a change of condition, though they
carry it off more discreetly than I.
Thursday, six o'clock in the morning.
I might as well have not gone to bed last night, for what sleep I had.
Mrs. Jewkes often was talking to me, and said several things that would
have been well enough from any body else of our sex; but the poor woman
has so little purity of heart, that it is all say from her, and goes no
farther than the ear.
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