For three Weeks at a Stretch he gave a Correct Imitation of the
Shining Light who passes the Basket and superintends the Repairs on
the Parsonage. He was entitled to a Mark of 100 for Deportment. With
his Meals he drank a little Polly. After Dinner he smoked one Perfecto
and then, when he had put in a frolicsome Hour or so with the North
American Review, he crawled into the Hay at 9.30 P.M.
At last he accumulated a Sense of Virtue that was hard to carry
around. He was proud of himself when he counted up the number of days
during which he had stuck to the Straight and Narrow. It seemed to
him that he deserved a Reward. So he decided to buy himself a little
Present, something costing about 15 cents. He picked out a First-Class
Place where they had Electric Fans and Pictures by the Old Masters. He
poured out a Working-man's Size--the kind that makes the Barkeep stop
wiping up and look unfriendly for a Moment or two.
Then he remembered that a Bird cannot fly with one Wing, so he gently
raised the Index Finger and gave the Prescription Clerk a Look, which
in the Sign Language means, "Repeat the Dose."
It is an Historical Fact that when a Man falls backward from the Water
Wagon he always lands in a Crowd. The full Stage Setting, the Light
Effects and the Red Fire were all ready to make it a Spectacular
Affair. Just after he had mowed away No. 2 and had stopped worrying
about the Winter's Coal, he began to meet Friends who were dying of
Thirst.
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