"This is a likely-looking Plant," said Brad, as he sized up the
Campus. "I like to encourage these Joints because they help to keep
a lot of Young Fellows away from Business Offices. I find that I have
here in my Vest-Pocket a measly $50,000 that I have overlooked in
changing my Clothes. Give it to the Main Cheese and tell him to have a
Laboratory on me."
When the News got out all the sis-boom-ah Boys gave a Parade in their
Nighties. The Faculty called a Special Meeting and made Brad a Doctor
of Philosophy.
Next Year he put up for a Gym and they made him a Doctor of Divinity.
The Year Following he handed them a Telescope and became an LL.D.
[Illustration: _D.D.--LL.D.--Ph.D._]
Every time he coughed he was made some new kind of Doctor.
In fact, for a Man with a 61/4 Hat who did not know the difference
between the Pistil and the Stamen he was the most learned Thing in
Seven States. Professor Otis was crowded into the Ditch. Sometimes he
wonders which of the two has the nub end of the Argument that started
in the Red School-House.
* * * * *
MORAL: The Longest Way Around is the Shortest Way to the University
Degree.
* * * * *
_THE NIGHT-WATCH AND THE WOULD-BE SOMETHING AWFUL_
Once there was a full-sized Girl named Florine whose Folks kept close
Tab on her. Any night-blooming Harold who presumed to keep the Parlor
open after Midnight heard low Voices in the Hallway and then a Rap
on the Door.
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