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By going through Bankruptcy, side-stepping the Assessor, working the
Farmers for a Railroad Bonus, handling the Funds for denominational
Colleges and putting the double Hammer-Lock on the Small Fry who had
Notes falling due, Hezekiah accumulated a Wad that put him into the
Millionaire's Division.
He and other old Gentlemen with pink Jowls and cold fishy Eyes would
occasionally meet in some Directors' Room, finished in Mahogany. The
Meeting would be opened with Prayer, after which they would discuss
Ways and Means of putting the Inter-State Commerce Law to the Bad,
squaring the Legislature without passing over any of the Stuff
themselves and handing the Public the Short End of it.
Having arrived at this Proud Eminence, Hezekiah was ripe to spring
some Advice to Young Men. Any Patriarch who has slipped the Tall Mitt
to the entire Universe and dealt from both Ends of the Deck is the
Real Boy when it comes to laying down Rules of Conduct for the Pale
Youth who wants an $8 Job. So Hezekiah Hooper, the Eminent Financier,
who never smoked a Cigar, never took a Drink and never asked anybody
else to do either, was invited to address the Class of Naughty-Three
at the Local Business College.
He sat on the Rostrum wearing Black Broadcloth, betokening Virtue, and
in addition to his ancient Trade-Marks, the White Shirt and the White
Vest, he had a White Bow Tie. As he sat there in conscious Rectitude,
wondering if the Congressional Investigation would harm the Beef
Trust, it could be seen at a Glance that he would never take anything
that was too heavy to carry, unless he had a Dray.
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